Relationships: Processes Equally Important

As I got older, maybe just out of curiousity or in my search for examples, I often look out for newly weds or couples that have been dating for a while. Anyway, I was at an event recently and what I saw made me ask myself a few questions on dating and marriage. 

I saw a newly wed couple that got to the event together, then the guy goes in search of a seat for himself, the lady also finds and carries a seat for her too. They sit right next to each other and are pinging away on their blackberries. Guess who had to take in all my thoughts on that? My wonderful sister. She didn't see half of it but I was too willing to explain to her and tell her my thoughts. 

Anyway, your relationship is your business but guess what? People like us see what's going on. We look to re-affirm our faiths or fears on marriages. Good or bad examples, we are very willing look and learn. After every potential example, I often ask myself what I learnt and how I want my marriage to look and be like. As I said in an earlier post, respect is important to both parties. 

 In addition though, I like to ask myself some other questions,

• How much love are you willing to give and get in your relationship? 
• Do you respect yourself well enough for another guy or girl to respect you? 
• What do you guys focus on, getting married or being a good example? 
• Are you looking for an arrangement that brings joy for a day (the wedding) or a lifetime (the marriage)? 

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to explain how to or not to handle your relationships.

Hello Darlings,

Sorry about the long silence. I recently relocated back home. I promise to be back shortly.

Love Always
Miss Onakz

Do We Still Call It Domestic?

As I read the news, I saw different forms of violence against women. The question I often ask myself is "does this still qualify as domestic?" Women are molested, raped, gang raped, beaten, maimed and killed because they chose to love and trust. They upheld their vows and promises by choosing to be in a relationship even when they are being destroyed in it & for it. For this women, I would like to ask again, do we still call it domestic violence?

Please say a word of prayer for women in the jaws of violence.
*Image gotten online from google

"They" Shouldn't Have Fun At Your Expense

After reading my last post, friends told me to write about what girls really want. I looked around my room because I thought that would be difficult since I'm just one girl and I never want to fall into using stereotypes. Anyway, as I sat on the bus a few days, some thoughts came to mind on something else I believe is really important. 

Imagine you got an invite for a five course dinner in a crème de la crème  restaurant with all the works including meeting very top dogs in your industry. A chauffeur driven car is supposed to pick you up for 8pm. You start getting ready from 5:30pm I guess, having a shower, make up and everything. After getting set, you got unto your drive way with the ride packed waiting only to realize you misplaced the IV or your dress got torn while you were trying to bend into the car. Imagine the anger, frustration and all. Of course if you ended up going, your mood won't be the same. Sometimes, we have the hype and all of meeting people, dating, marriage or our life plans, only to realize we lack some vital preparation ourselves. 

Guys and girls alike want someone worth preparing for/to. The right preparation is essential in every of life's daily activities. If you can sort out what to wear to work the following day, map out your route when going on a journey, read hard to pass an examination or buy all the ingredients to cook a meal, why should preparing for the future or marriage be such an uphill task? Luke 14: 28-30 - "Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn't first sit down and figure the cost so you'll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you're going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you: 'He started something he couldn't finish.'(The Message)"

I can assure you that in life, there are quite a number of people on the sidelines who enjoy doing one thing, laughing when you err. Please always stop these people from having fun at your expense by preparing adequately for all you set out to do.

Have an awesome week.

Love always

A Guy's Need, A Lady's Want

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

In very recent times, I had conversations with quite a number of guys on relationships and all. I love listening to people's experiences on life and every kind of relationship (God, family, friends, dating, courtship, marriage...) At every opportunity, I just must listen to get different opinions and learn as much as I can.

Especially with dating, a very usual theme that comes up from my conversation with guys is "Girls don't know what they want". Sometimes, I am tempted to admit those words with a thick lump in my throat after listening to different situations. Anyway, as a young lady and an advocate of women, I have decided to help guys by telling them what exactly we want. I'm struggling to ensure that I'm not stereotypical to put all ladies/guys into a mold.

In my growing career as a young lady with my professional experience spanning the fraction of a century, I can say without doubt that we want what you need, RESPECT. Guys want girls to honor them. A guy wants to be treated by a lady as a chief, the wisest guy that ever existed, an intelligent man, fine boy no pimples, when he smiles, it's dimples... These are what you want us to portray you are, right?

Girls want something simpler, love. We breathe it, think it, grow it, dream it, nurse it and aim for it. I read a phrase quite recently that characterizes how we operate "I am what I think you think I am". Perception is really important in every relationship and we have to perceive that you respect our words, thoughts and actions. The things you say matter but the things you don't say matter more. The smile you give says volumes, so do the messages you send, the way you look at us and all that we think and know you do to us, for us and about us. We grow on the thoughts we think you think and act about us. Therefore, please speak to us nicely, of us sweetly, with us lovingly and all we would think of is this amazing guy.

Whether respect, honor or love, the conclusion I draw is that we all want to be treated with ESTEEM.

Bonne Fete Saint Valentin Mon Cherie

Happy Valentine My Darlings

Hope you all had a swell day. Well, I tried to. It is a usually week day so work, dinner then home, nothing fancy. Anyway, I saw the roses, teddies, chocolates and all pass my very before. A colleague of mine gave me Creme Egg so I can say I didn't join #teamroast.

Anyway, I read that Vals Day is now also known as "Singles Awareness Day". Some people become aware of their relationship status on the 14th of February every year. I just had a good laugh. 

For the Singletons especially female, just in case there is someone you like enough to see a future with, I have a lovely song for you by Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand: Tell Him. 

Enjoy!!!

P.S.
*It is great to be valed, but greater to be loved. Did he buy things because he loves you or he bought it because you will throw tantrums if he didn't?
*If he didn't val you, no problem. It hasn't caused a slum in the stock exchange. Learn to forgive and move on.
*Please hold your dignity, there are still other days this year to receive and give gifts.
*I hope girls are wiser than giving themselves freely for some items money can buy.

What On Earth is LOVE

Over the last few days, I have done three posts on love, a poem and two songs to be precise.
Just as I was getting ready to do a post yesterday, I got involved in few things that got me thinking of love from an entirely different perspective.
Love isn't just in the feeling as we all are aware
It's not just the emotional high too
Nor the tears we shed
It is something beyond the spoken, seen or heard
It is when someone is still crazy enough to have you when you have erred
It is someone listening to your rubbish and making sense out of it
It is someone celebrating you even when you feel worthless
As I end this post, I recognize that the love humans share is amazing, but the best love I always want to be able to give and receive is the one that matters the most and sets the tone for all my other interactions.
It is one specially reserved for my Maker, Master, Father, King and Friend.

*Image from google

Warm up to Love

This is another beautiful song

If you have watch "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married" as much as I have, you'll  really love this.

Nat King Cole's LOVE, Enjoy 

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one I see

V is very, very extraordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love is all that I can give to you

Love is more than just a game for two

Two in love can make it

Take my heart and please don't break it

Love was made for me and you

(trumpet instrumental)

L is for the way you look at me

O is for the only one I see

V is very, very extraordinary

E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love is all that I can give to you

Love is more than just a game for two

Two in love can make it

Take my heart and please don't break it

Love was made for me and you

Love was made for me and you

Yes, love was made for me and you

Love is all that I can give to you

Love is more than just a game for two

Two in love can make it

Take my heart and please don't break it

Love was made for me and you

Love was made for me and you

Love was made for me and you

N.B: Just a little something to start the weekend with

Run up to Love

Welcome to 02022012

The date reminds me of base systems in high school

Anyway, for today's mushiness,

I have a song my friends got tired of listen to in summer 2010 because I played it constantly.

I love it, but I've found other loves too

Moulin Rouge: Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Every day I love you more and more

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings?

Telling me to give you everything

Seasons may change, winter to spring

But I love you until the end of time

Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high

No river too wide

Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather, 

And stars may collide

But I love you (I love you)

Until the end of time (until the end of time)

Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may

I will love you, Oh I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/m/moulin_rouge/come_what_may.html ]

Lovely February

February is here for 29 days; one down already

It’s a leap year by the way, beautiful innit?

When you read through a number of my blog posts,

You should notice a mushy side of me

Anyway, I'll be sharing some love stuff this month 

Since it is the one that paints the world red

I plan to do something every day but, that seems a bit over the top.

Let's see how far I go before the end of the month.

Anyway, in the spirit of love, I leave you with a beautiful one 

 E.E. Cumming- I carry your heart with me

I carry your heart with me

(I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it 

(Anywhere I go you go, my dear;

And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate

(For you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world

(For beautiful, you are my world; my true)

And you are whatever a moon has always meant

And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart 

(I carry it in my heart)