How Are Your Insecurities Masked?

Hello My Precious People

How are you doing?

Hope are very well and gladly preparing for the successful completion of 2016.

Today, the topic is INSECURITIES!!!

When last did you think about yours?

When last did you talk about it?

When last did you act based on it?

When last did you really try to conceal it?

At the beginning of this year...oh no...let me just start from the very beginning... Ok, here it goes. A while ago, I cannot really remember when it started but I had a huge crush *covers face with palms*. It was the kind of one that will just make you blush for nothing...LOL. You understand those feeling now, I do not need to explain them further. Occasionally, I would go unto Instagram to gist (all, in my head o) with this crush.

Since you now have the idea of the beginning, we can now talk about this year. I had an event in January and guess who was sitting on my row at the event? As in the very same row o. Not in front or at my back. Just a few human beings in between us. Please, what would you have done if you were in my shoes? I should have been thinking of how to start a simple conversation, right? But guess what I did?

Chai, shame has started to catch me. I brought out my phone and started to form busy before the show started and when it finally did, I was just looking on the stage throughout. I was looking at my unread emails before the show and decided right there to start responding to emails. I did not move my head left or right. Please bear in mind that it was about 8pm on Sunday night. What was going to happen if I waited a few more hours to send those emails? ?? My head was so stiff (up and down motion only: to my phone and the stage) that I had neck pain the following day. While forming busy and focused, guess the words that were running through my mind, "why is it today of all days when my A game is not on did I have to see this crush, ehn?". Then as usual, I started to remember my inadequacies:

• Your voice has gone o, nobody will hear what you have to say.
• Why did you wear this? Didn't you have other better clothes in your wardrobe?
• Are you intelligent enough to even have a conversation? You should read more and become more learned before you can think of hanging or talking in that circle.
• If you had accomplished your 2015 goal of weight loss now, you would be hot enough to talk with them.
• This your make up is not on point at all o. Why did you rush out of the house? 

Ashamed as I am now, I remember that I sat right there for over 2 hours beside people that I could have said a simple hello or had the simplest conversations with but chose not to say a word because I saw myself through my flaws. Remember that earlier in the year I have written about my struggle with identity. In all, this just goes to show that one of the lessons I have learnt in 2016 is to see myself as altogether beautiful. Altogether lovely. Good enough. Intelligent enough. Beautiful enough.

For some people, their insecurities are masked by trying their best to be invisible (like me on this occasion) and other people or other times, wanting/forcing everyone and everything  to dote on them, don't we call them attention seekers or sometimes, bad mouthing people so that they look "good" or "saintly" (watch out for my next post people), I've been there too.

Therefore I charge you as you start 2017 and beyond, please see yourself as equal to everyone. Not superior so you don't go ahead being a bully and not inferior so you don't think it is impossible to achieve greatness.

Psalm 8 verses 4 and 5 "What is mankind that You are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honour. (New International Version). You my dear friend are crowned, not with nails or steel but with God's glory and honour. Therefore, go about your business radiating with your crown high on your head.

Have a wonderful week people

Loads of love, hugs and kisses.

Miss Onakz...