He Really Got Me

I have decided to start my reflections on how the year 2012 has turned out, maybe early for some people but hey...:D

My dances, my joys and my frowns

I have chosen not to look at 2012 in isolation, but as a continuation of 2011. This is because at the start of 2011, I was filled with a million and one expectations for almost everything possible under the sun including the various aspects of my life: spirituality, family, career, work, friends…. 

Then, just as 2011 was about to end, I got a huge shock, most of my expectations had not been met and worse still, they did not seem feasible anymore for 2011 so I started 2012 a bit hurt with God and myself. I remember telling my friends “...things mustn’t get worse that they already are, they must only get better”. I remember praying more like begging God a few minutes to the new year knowing without any doubt that my life depended on His answers. It was quite difficult or should I say almost impossible to write plans and personal points of reference for 2012 because I just felt that it just meant copying and rewriting 90% of 2011’s plans with just a few additions.

Anyway, 2012 started and my prayer and focus was a very significant improvement in my life and my all. Things were trying, difficult and demanding. In addition to all, time and I suddenly signed a divorce and it choose to desert yours truly when I needed a whole lot of balance. I look at times when it was difficult to say my requests to God as I felt He was either punishing me for wrongdoings or being unfair. In the midst of these trying times was when I found a new way to devotion rather than moan, groan and have a pity carnival. Realising my devotion was mostly filled with “God, I want…”, I decided to have Him speak. Slowly but surely, His Words that meant nothing to me became very meaningful. Verses I just quoted to be "christian" now had meanings that are very personal. I felt light and calm and got great strength for wars past and wars to come. I got confidence for answers received and found His ginormous Grace. Now,  just 41 days to another year, still with expectations and a long list of wants and needs, I can only sing a few words: